Day 48

I mean.

So much for journaling every day, “for the historians.”

LOL, it’s been 48 days since we locked the doors. Probably about 45 since my hands went raw from all the washing. A month and a half since I could take a deep, easy breath beyond the confines of my apartment. (And well over two and a half months since my last haircut. It’s getting wild over here.)

These days my head is about where most people’s were at the start of this mess. I feel like I’m stumbling through every week in a haze, stabbing blindly at items on a nonexistent to-do list. There are occasional bursts of productivity and brilliance in the kitchen, fits of unexpected laughter at the most opportune times, great nights’ sleep slowly shrugged off with a nice cup of coffee.

But mostly, I am living life halfway and am not sure how to crawl out.

We were supposed to leave tonight — almost exactly an hour from now, actually — for Barcelona. An overnight flight into balmy Catalonia, where we’d have spent more than a week exploring a brand-new-to-us city. Followed by two nights in our beloved Paris.

We postponed the trip without hesitation, and I might have forgotten altogether that today would have been our departure date. But Mark reminded me, which reminded me to be sad about it.

This morning I tried on the beautiful pleated skirt I’d bought with this trip in mind. Thank God it still fit, and more than that, it made me feel beautiful, probably for the first time in weeks. I took a few pictures and posted them online, fishing for compliments. I reeled them in and basked in the manufactured sunshine of that digital love.

I set an intention to do a modified paleo diet starting Monday. My body is rioting, and at the very least I can make some better food choices to nourish it into submission.

Today I ate (hey, historians)…

  • Breakfast: Moroccan-inspired breakfast skillet (I’m making this with ras el hanout next time), blueberries and mango, half-caff.

  • Lunch: Leftover Asian beef meatballs (rolled with riced cauliflower, ginger, garlic, scallions and soy); sautéed mushrooms, sugar snap peas, and leftover roast broccoli

  • Dinner: French fries from Rootstock, leftover Polish sausage, sautéed spinach

  • Sweet snack: Sumo citrus and a square of 85% dark chocolate (which is f*cking disgusting)

A Sephora order containing retinol with squalane, an eyeshadow palette, and a sample of some wildly expensive shampoo and conditioner will arrive tomorrow. My Overtone order with a tub of rose-gold coloring conditioner for brunettes will arrive Friday.

The SBA PPP loan I applied for in early April may actually come through.

I have a second call with a prospective client tomorrow night — because one of the stakeholders is in Taipei. I would love to get this work.

It’s been raining nonstop since yesterday evening, and the sun may actually come out by Friday. There’s good on the horizon yet.

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