Under better circumstances, three firefighters bursting through my door as I sat alone and eagerly awaiting their arrival would be a pretty titillating way to start a story.

Instead, it’s actually the end of one:
The one where I get stuck in an elevator. (RIP, Matthew Perry.)

I had just parked to head into the doctor’s office. I set off for the elevators, looking forward to settling into the waiting room 15 whole minutes early and catching up on emails.

The screen flipped to 1, and when I should have heard a “Ding!” and watched the doors to the lobby slide open, I heard…nothing. The whole car went dead.

I pressed the Door Open and ★ 1 buttons repeatedly. I went Buddy the Elf on the entire panel.

I gingerly reached for the Alarm button, unsure of what it would do. It rang a bell that could wake the dead. And still: Nothin’.

In retrospect, it occurs to me that I also could have yelled. But all I could do was laugh.

Shaking my head, I dialed 311, the city services number that acts as a switchboard to get people the help they need. And they transferred me to 911. I have never called 911 once in 40 years. 911 is a scary number.

The man at the fire department asked me a few questions and let me know they’d be there as soon as they could. And not 15 minutes later, I heard men’s voices and for once wasn’t nervous about what might come next.

The doors started to shudder, and within moments, three heads poked through the car doors like childbirth gone terribly awry.

Folks who had taken the operational elevators gawped as I strode out.

Now: Ready for some bullshit?

Someone from the garage had taped a handwritten sign to the outside of the door: “OUT OF SERVICE — USE OTHERS. THANKS.” While I was inside!!!

And all I could do was laugh even harder. I texted my husband, “How silly. What a silly time.”

btw, I didn’t get to the office early enough to catch up on my email, but I made it to my appointment on time. With a story to tell, to boot.

Who are you in this situation?

👀 Are you The One They Call When Things Go Wrong?
👀 Are you the one who calls for help?
👀 Are you the derelict elevator that keeps people stuck? (j/k, I’m sure that’s not you)