Day 48

I mean. So much for journaling every day, “for the historians.” LOL, it’s been 48 days since we locked the doors. Probably about 45 since my hands went raw from all the washing. A month and a half since I could take a deep, easy breath beyond the confines of my apartment. (And well over…

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Day 33

It was a strange day. A cold front blew in overnight, bringing potato-flake snow flurries mixed with blinding sunlight, and barely a moment’s occasion to go outside into it. I miss going outside. Today’s bizarre energy could be thanks in part to my early-morning reading of the New York Times comprehensive piece on all the…

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Day 31: #thisis37

I need to add more to this, but suffice it to say for now: Somehow my 37th birthday was one of the best birthdays I’ve had in many years. Probably a lot to unpack there. The day started with crosswords, coffee and grapefruit mimosas in bed. It was filled with friends and family, beautiful weather,…

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Day 29: In time.

How on earth has it been nearly a month since going outside was a normal thing? Since I didn’t have to remind myself not to hold my breath when i’m around strangers? With just a few minutes left in my session today, I told my therapist that I believed I wasn’t feeling through all my…

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Day 26: A storm?

We had a tantalizing taste of spring today, 80 degrees with brilliant blue skies streaked with wispy clouds.  The sky is orange tonight, tinged with a neon purple like sizzling summer fireworks. It’s a full moon, but a cloud cover blindingly lit by lightning obscures it.  Rumbling thunder is building, loping behind the lightning, but…

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Day 22: Birdsong.

In the weeks since I locked myself inside, spring has arrived. There’s still a chill in the air — the bracing temperatures actually took my breath away when I took the compost bucket to the alley this morning — but the light has changed. The sun’s a little sunnier, as if to say, “I’m ready for my…

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Day 16: Forgive me, Father, etc.

It’s 8:45 a.m. on Saturday, and I’m watching a video Jena sent me of a doctor at New York City’s Weill Cornell Medical Center talking about COVID-19. He is calm and measured and educated, and despite the scariness of the information he’s presenting, it’s a balm in an environment that remains mind-bogglingly post-truth. Keep your…

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Day 12: One step forward.

Today was better. I made a new to-do list — four items, one a carry-over from yesterday’s — and set about crossing things off. After my morning coffee and breakfast, I video chatted with a developer colleague in a small German village. After giving me an update on where we stand with our website project, he recalled…

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Day 11: Post-therapy thoughts.

I think I discovered another angle to why I don’t love teletherapy: In addition to the ritual of physically getting there, and being in a space I associate with hard work, healing, and often comfort, it also preserves the sanctity of home — creates the illusion of space from the rawness of whatever feelings come up during…

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Day 10: …makes Paige a dull girl.

I suddenly can’t shake this overwhelming sense of being a Very Drab Human. What kind of person worries about being interesting at a time like this? But believe it, Dear Reader: I have shelter-in-place FOMO. So many friends are watching amazing concerts, exploring home schooling with their children, tackling some huge project, meaningfully engaging with…

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